iamnotbrooding | For totallynotrobin

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Normally, Derek liked his solitude but tonight he was feeling restless, as if something was tickling the back of his neck and he couldn't scratch it. He felt the link he had to Scott and his pack, still considering himself as part of the Pack with Scott as the Alpha. It was never a job he wanted anyway, so he was happy to let Scott lead even if Derek had evolved to a full Alpha form. Scott was still a natural Alpha and that meant something and Derek had no intention of trying to change the pack hierarchy.

Sighing, he rolled off his bed and to his feet, slipping on his shoes and pulling a t-shirt over his head he left the loft. Maybe a run would settle him down so he could sleep.

A half hour later he found himself standing outside the Stilinski house, staring up at Stiles' window. The Sheriff's car wasn't there, so Derek guessed he was working that night. The light was on in Stiles' room, and Derek was still restless so he jumped to the roof and tapped on the window before opening it and sliding into the room. He could see Stiles' face reflected in the light of his computer.

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"Well, you're welcome to crash here tonight if you want. My dad won't be home." Stiles stifles a yawn and turns back to his computer. "I have to finish this."

Derek snorts and shakes his head. "You're an idiot. Go to sleep, Stiles. Don't you have study hall or something you can finish it in?"

"Nope, second class of the morning," Stiles sighs, propping his chin in his hand and clicking his mouse on something on his screen. "Sucks."

"Cheat?" Derek asks, smirking. "Don't the kids still copy homework these days? What about Lydia? She'd help you wouldn't she?"

"You try asking Lydia for help. She is completely unsympathetic when it comes to homework." Stiles can't help but smile, though. "You're such a good influence, Derek, truly."

"Just trying to help," Derek held up his hands, surrendering. "Seriously though, you need more sleep and less pill abuse. You're going to destroy your liver you know."

Derek paused for a moment. "If you were dying, would you want Scott to bite you?"

"I'll be fine. Two more days till the weekend and I can sleep for 48 hours straight." Stiles types in another equation, trying to balance it.

"How fast am I dying?"

"Well, liver damage you've got months," Derek said thoughtfully. "If you finally get killed on one of your adventures, minutes. What would you want to happen?"

"I mean, the logical answer is yeah, bite me. I'd die anyway, whether the bite killed me or not. Better alive than dead."

"Soo what if you weren't dying? Would you ever take it?"

Derek already knew the answer, but he was curious if Stiles had changed his mind.

"I don't know." Stiles stares at him for a long second. "I mean, I'd be a pretty shit wolf. The bite cures illness, but I don't think it would cure my ADHD. So a wolf on Adderall - I mean, really."

The reason he rejected was because it was Peter asking. He never really considered it, how it would be with Derek, or now Scott, as an Alpha.

Derek scoffed. "You wouldn't be a shit werewolf. You're all the things a Pack needs. Loyal, intelligent and trustworthy. You'd be a valuable member of the Pack, don't belittle yourself." Derek grinned. "That's my job."

"Nice, for a second there I almost thought you were being serious." Stiles rolled his eyes, but he was smiling a little. "I'm also jittery, compulsive, and on meds, dude."

"If I were still an Alpha, I'd try and talk you into it," Derek admitted, looking at his shoes. "You'd still be you, Stiles, just stronger. I wouldn't have to worry about you running with wolves and banshees and all the other crap this town draws to it. For your own safety, you'd be better off."

"And why would you be worried about my safety?" Stiles blinks at him, a little taken aback, but it was 3 AM and guards were pretty much all the way down.

Derek scowled. "I was, for all intents and purposes your Alpha, of course I would worry about you."

Derek sighed. "When I run at night, I go by all your houses to make sure everything is okay, it's just a habit. Please don't tell Scott, I don't want him to think I'm trying to usurp him or something."

"But I'm human. I don't have an Alpha." Stiles stared for a second. "I'm not part of the pack."

"No, I believe you." Stiles snorted a little. "And Scott is too nice to let the thought even cross his mind."

"We had humans in the Hale pack, Stiles. You don't have to be a wolf to be Pack you idiot. They died in the fire along with all the werewolves."

"Scott is naive and he needs you to see the dangers he misses. He's too trusting and I'm afraid one day he'll get burned," Derek admitted.

"Well I never signed over my soul." Stiles crosses his arms, observing Derek for a second. "Me too, actually. He trusts everyone. Gives everyone the benefit of the doubt from the get-go."

Derek looked confused. Why wouldn't Stiles want to be Pack, especially with Scott as his Alpha? But he let it go for now, since he wasn't the Alpha anymore.

"That's what worries me. One day he's going to trust the wrong person," Derek said, scrubbing his face. "You're going to have to be the voice of common sense and reason, especially if I'm not around."

It wasn't that he didn't want to be Pack, but nobody had ever really treated him that way, so he wasn't sure how he felt about it.

Stiles leans forward, elbows on his knees. "And why wouldn't you be around, Derek?"

Derek met Stiles' gaze. "I'm not sure where I fit in here anymore, or if I even do. I've been staying to give Scott time to find his footing as Alpha and he seems to have done that. Honestly Stiles, I spend more time in my wolf form than I do in human form lately. I'm almost more comfortable that way, not having to deal with people or needing to say the right thing when I have no idea what the right things even is. It's just easier."

"But that's...part of being human, man." Stiles tilted his head, watching Derek carefully. "So unless you're telling me you're going full on wolf - "

"Even still, we need you. You're - you're pack, dude. It's not just about Scott settling in as Alpha."

Being human was lonely. He even missed Peter at a times and how screwed up was that?

"I'm not though, not really," Derek countered. "Scott may use the word but I grew up in a pack and it's...different. The bond isn't the same as when I was his Alpha. I don't know if it's because I evolved or if I'm just being stubborn."

Apparently he had diarrhea of the mouth tonight.

"Anyway, I'm not going anywhere just yet, but I don't know how long I can stay here either."

"Then teach us how. Maybe that's the problem, Derek. None of us know what it really means." Stiles sighs and shakes his head. "You weren't really his Alpha. He never really accepted it."

"But you'll stay as long as we need you, yeah?"

Stiles had a point, Scott never truly joined his pack. He'd had Isaac, Erica and Boyd, but Scott was never his as much as he'd tried.

"That's just it, I don't even know what's wrong to know how to fix it! I just know it feels...different."

After a moment, he nodded. "Yeah, I'll stay as long as Scott needs, but he's doing pretty damn well on his own."

"Maybe if we do some pack bonding or something. What did you used to do?"

"I think you and I both know he needs guidance sometimes. He's strong and he's smart and he's brave, but he puts his faith in the wrong person and we're all screwed."

"You really think Scott would listen to me if I thought someone was sketchy? He's not big on my opinion you know," he laughed.

"Scott would have to do the Pack bonding things, not me. He's the Alpha, it all stems from him. I'm a beta, I follow the Alpha's lead."

"But deep down he trusts you. That's his fatal flaw, right? Benefit of the doubt and second chances."

"The Alpha can lead, but he can also take advice." Stiles quirks an eyebrow. "That's kind of what Scott's pack is all about."

"Yeah, I suppose," Derek conceded.

"Why don't you consider yourself pack, Stiles? You're Scott's right hand in everything he does, that means something."

"I don't know, dude. No one's ever treated me like - Pack." Stiles shrugs, and yeah, they're probably only sharing this because it's 3 AM. "Your pack relished in beating the shit out of me, actually."

Okay, he exaggerates. But Erica did like knocking him unconscious. "And Scott - he's family, but I don't think his idea of pack extends to me the same way it does to everybody else."

"Don't exaggerate, Erica was a bitch to you, I can admit that," Derek replied. "But don't you get it - family is pack. It's not just a group of people getting together for a common goal. It's more than that, or least it should be."

Derek had forgotten how he'd even ended up here, in Stiles' room, having a discussion on pack dynamics.

"Part of why we need you, Derek. We're a group of teenagers - I don't think we really know how to be a family." Especially when...most of them came from homes without much "family" to speak of.

Derek considered Stiles' words, frowning. "You and your dad seem to have a good relationship don't you? And Scott with his mom?"

Derek didn't know if they could considered themselves teenagers at this point, all of them had been through too much.

"Age and maturity are two different things, Stiles. Do you really consider yourself a normal teenager anymore?"

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